Dallas Mavericks Win, But We Lose...

For those who live in the Dallas metro area: Congratulations. You’ve “Won” a national championship. I will stay silent so you can celebrate for the next minute or two...you deserve it....

Having said that, for those who live outside the Dallas metro area: I’m sorry.

I know we’ve all spent the last two weeks rejoicing in harmony, joining hand in hand with other Dallas Maverick fans, due largely in part because of our hatred for the Miami Heat.

And while I understand the hatred for the Heat, I want to make sure everyone understands that the losers of this NBA finals are not the Heat. The losers aren’t the Heat fans, either. The losers are sports fans. So I’m sorry, sports fans.

We’re in the honeymoon stage, when it’s great to hear about Dirk winning a championship, Mark Cuban throwing a parade, and the evil empire that is Miami getting their just desserts. But that good feeling will disappear in a few days when we’re no longer reading about Dallas’ success, but rather hearing about how Miami's failure.

This is the Brett Favre Conundrum. When Favre is at the top of his game, throwing for over 300 yards on Monday Night Football a day after his father passes away, we love talking about Favre. We can’t get enough. We actually enjoy saying his name (even variations of his name).

But when he starts flaking on the Minnesota Vikings and starts taking pictures of his Peyton Man-Thing that’s when we fans do a 180 and turn on Favre. Obviously.

Here’s the problem: When someone as dynamic or as polarizing as Brett Favre is in the news, he’s ALL OVER THE NEWS. So whether it’s good stuff or bad, you’ll be hearing about it for a long time.

That’s what’s going to happen with the Heat. For the next few months, all we’re going to be hearing about is the fractured relationship between Dwyane Wade and LeBron James, the epic joke job in the finals, will LeBron EVER win a title, etc. It’s going to make you sick.

We aren’t going to be talking about the Mavericks, we’re going to be talking about the Heat, for better or for worse. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the Mavericks won, and look what graces the front page of ESPN.com.

For Karmic purposes, I’m just as happy as the next person that the Heat lost. But over the next few months, I’d much rather hear about their successes rather than their failures. Call me an optimist.

For all of my hatred towards the Yankees, the Heat, Brett Favre, George Bush (the Will Ferrell one), taxes, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Juggalos, I don’t want to hear about why I hate them; I want to hear stories about why I should like them. Otherwise, all we’re doing is reliving the plot to Ghostbusters II, creating negative energy that will destroy New York City...or something like that.

If I have to listen to one version or the other, I’d much rather hear positive stories about people I hate rather than negative ones.* So feel free to celebrate the Mavericks victory today, but be prepared to hear about the Heat for the next few months. You've been warned.

*Except when it comes to Osama Bin Laden, of course. GO AMERICA!